How to Find the Right Therapist & Counselling Approach for Your Mental Health Journey

Seeking therapy can be a transformative step towards healing and self-discovery, but finding the right therapist and therapeutic treatments can be daunting. With numerous approaches available, it's helpful to explore what resonates with you and aligns with your specific needs. Whether you're grappling with anxiety, depression, recovering from child abuse, processing grief, or trauma, there are expert counsellors and therapeutic styles that can be tailored to support your journey towards healing and growth.

Where to begin?

Self-Reflection

Begin by reflecting on your needs, goals, and preferences. What are the specific challenges you're facing? Are there any therapeutic approaches that resonate with you? Understanding your requirements will help narrow down your search for a therapist and suitable treatments.

 However, if you’re new to therapy, seeking support to kickstart your journey is understandable and experienced therapists will happily guide you. Many therapists offer initial consultations or phone calls to discuss your concerns and determine if they are a good fit for you. Take advantage of these opportunities to ask questions, express your expectations, and assess the therapist's approach and personality. Ask yourself if you feel comfortable in their presence?

Consider Accessibility

Accessibility is crucial when choosing a therapist and treatment options. Factors such as location, cost, and availability of appointments can impact your ability to consistently engage in therapy. Evaluate what is feasible for you in terms of logistics. Ask the therapist if they can set aside a regular time for you, and let them know if you prefer to have your consultation and ongoing sessions in-person or online. You may also want to check if their office space is calming and comfortable.

Evaluate Therapist Credentials

When researching potential therapists, verify their credentials and qualifications. Look for licensed professionals with experience and expertise in treating your specific mental health concerns. The BC Association of Clinical Counsellors website will tell you if a Registered Clinical Counsellor is in good standing.  Additionally, consider factors such as cultural competence and specialization in particular areas if relevant to your needs.

Trust Your Instincts

Ultimately, trust your instincts when selecting a therapist. It's essential to feel comfortable, understood, and supported in the therapeutic relationship. If you don't sense a good fit after a few sessions, don't hesitate to explore other options. Feel free to discuss with your therapist any aspects that aren't working for you, and they might offer suggestions for another therapist who could be a better match.

Monitor Progress

At the beginning of your counselling journey, you may be asked to name what you’d like to get out of counselling, or what differences you’d like to see in your life.  As you engage in therapy, pay attention to your progress and how you're feeling. It's normal to experience ups and downs along the way. Communicate openly with your therapist about your experiences, challenges, and goals to ensure you're on the right path.

Regularly check in with your counsellor to see where you and your counsellor feel you are with your stated goals.  If you are looking to reduce anxiety symptoms for example, take note of how frequently and to what degree you are currently experiencing those symptoms compared to the when you started therapy.

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Another aspect of finding the right therapist is to familiarize yourself with the various therapy modalities and treatment options available. Ultimately, your counsellor will suggest the best approach, but it may help you with the selection process. Explore which ones below align best with your needs and values.

We've created a short guide below to assist you in exploring various approaches to therapy. Follow our blog or social media to learn more about each modality over the coming weeks.

• Art Therapy: For those who find it challenging to articulate their emotions verbally, art therapy offers a creative outlet. Through various artistic mediums, from sketching to working with clay, individuals can express their thoughts and feelings, leading to increased self-awareness and emotional processing. Making art can be uniquely grounding and soothing for the nervous system.  It can also help people to get “unstuck” by seeing other perspective and paths to problem solving.

• Expressive Arts Therapy offers clients the opportunity to work in the imagination and in the senses via any and all creative modalities.  This can provide a safe container and a new perspective when processing therapeutic material as well as an opportunity to encounter inner resources and surprises.  No art background or experience is required. Expressive Arts-based and play therapy methods offer a way for children to process in a way that is developmentally appropriate and strengths-based.

• Focusing-Oriented Therapy: This approach emphasizes listening to the body's subtle cues and sensations to access deeper emotions and insights. By honing in on bodily sensations and feelings, individuals can explore and resolve underlying issues contributing to their distress.

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing): Particularly effective for trauma recovery, EMDR involves bilateral stimulation such as eye movements or taps, to facilitate the brain's processing of distressing memories. A wholistic method, it guides people through naming the negative meaning that has been made of past trauma, as well as processing body sensations that store the memory of trauma.  Altogether, this helps to reduce the emotional charge associated with traumatic experiences, fostering healing and resolution. It is a carefully structured process, offering a safe container throughout, that an EMDR therapist will have specialized training to offer.

• EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) for Couples Counselling: Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on repairing relational bonds and addressing underlying emotional needs. Within the safety of the therapeutic relationship, EFT helps individuals identify and express their core needs and emotions with their partners, leading to greater intimacy, connection and security.

• The Gottman Method of Couples Counselling: A research-based approach aimed at improving relationship quality. Therapists assess a couple’s dynamics to identify communication patterns leading to conflict. Through structured interventions, couples learn effective communication, conflict management, and deepen emotional bonds. The method prioritizes disarming verbal conflict, enhancing intimacy, removing growth barriers, leading to greater empathy. By strengthening friendship and equipping practical skills, it helps couples build healthier, resilient partnerships based on trust and mutual support.

• Internal Family Systems: This approach views individuals as containing multiple subpersonalities or "parts" within themselves. The goal is to help clients understand and harmonize these parts, leading to greater internal balance and self-awareness. Therapists guide clients in exploring and communicating with their various parts, facilitating dialogue to uncover underlying beliefs and emotions. Clients learn to access their compassionate core self, which serves as a source of healing and integration. Through techniques like internal dialogue and experiential exercises, individuals work towards resolving inner conflicts, healing past wounds, and cultivating authenticity and inner peace.

• Existential-Humanistic Therapy: This modality explores themes of meaning, purpose, and freedom, encouraging individuals to confront existential concerns and embrace personal responsibility. By engaging with life's fundamental questions, individuals can gain clarity, resilience, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
  

Other words you might hear in terms of counselling include “Person-centred and Trauma-informed”

• Person-Centred Approach to Counselling: Founded on empathy, genuineness, and unconditional positive regard, person-centred counselling provides a safe space for individuals to explore their thoughts, feelings, and experiences without judgement. A foundation for every practicing counsellor, leading them to act as a facilitator, supporting the client's self-exploration and growth. This is not so much a “therapy approach” any longer, but an attitude that all counsellors have, no matter how they practice counselling.

• Trauma-Informed Counselling: Acknowledges the widespread impact of trauma on individuals' lives and prioritizes creating a safe and supportive environment for clients to explore their experiences at their own pace. Therapists integrate knowledge about the effects of trauma on the brain and emphasize empowerment, collaboration, and choice in guiding interventions aimed at promoting healing and resilience. This approach aims to create trust, validation, and empowerment while supporting clients in processing and integrating their traumatic experiences.

In conclusion, finding the right therapist and approach for your mental health journey may require patience, perseverance, and a willingness to explore different avenues. Remember that seeking help is a courageous act of self-care, and you deserve support and guidance along the way. With dedication and the right resources, you can embark on a path towards healing, growth, and resilience.

If you have questions about the different types of counselling treatments or would like to discuss which approach might be best for you, please reach out to our intake coordinator, Jenn, at 604-876-7600.

Meet Our Relationship Experts, Samudyatha Hiremagalore and Leena Mehta

Samudyatha Hiremagalore

I specialize in working with couples as a relationship expert using the Gottman Method*, a proven approach that delves into communication patterns, identifies areas of conflict, and fosters understanding between partners. In our sessions, we explore the underlying emotions behind problematic behavior, learning to communicate respectfully while managing emotions. It's common for couples to seek my guidance for conflict resolution strategies. Together, we uncover unmet needs, address hurt emotions, and develop effective communication skills, positioning me as a trusted relationship expert in the field.

What is the Gotham Method?

The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, draws from over four decades of research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. Through extensive observation of thousands of couples, specific behaviours and patterns linked to healthy, lasting relationships have been identified. The Method focuses on three main areas: Building Love Maps for deep understanding, Nurturing Fondness and Admiration to express appreciation regularly, and Turning Toward Each Other Instead of Away to enhance communication skills. Additionally, it provides tools for conflict management, collaborative problem-solving, and establishing shared meaning. This method emphasizes assessment and intervention tailored to each couple's needs, making use of questionnaires and observations to identify strengths and areas for improvement.

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Leena Mehta (She/her)

I am a dedicated therapist specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)* and recognized as a relationship expert. In sessions, I prioritize slowing down the pace, delving into emotions, and examining where couples find themselves stuck. Using EFT, we explore the intricate dance between partners, dissecting the moments of connection and disconnection. Frequently, couples seek my assistance regarding communication issues, only to discover that they have deeper longings for connection, highlighting the need for expertise from relationship experts like myself.

What is EFT?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a structured approach to couples therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s. It is based on attachment theory, which suggests that human beings are wired to seek emotional connection with others, particularly with romantic partners. EFT aims to help couples identify and change patterns of interaction that lead to distress and disconnection. In EFT, the therapist helps couples recognize and understand their own and their partner's emotions and attachment needs.

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Echoes of Childhood: Navigating the Impact of Past Trauma on Present Relationships

Experiencing abuse in childhood, be it emotional, physical, or sexual, profoundly shapes relationships and intimacy for life. Navigating relationships of any nature can feel like walking through a minefield. You may long to be close with others and yet it may never really feel safe – there’s a constant fear that at any point someone may let you down, leave you, hurt you or turn out to be someone other than you thought.

Our past experiences shape the lenses through which we view ourselves, others, and the world. These subconscious scripts dictate our actions, often without us even realizing it. But living by these outdated narratives only perpetuates the cycle of pain and mistrust.

The good news is, we have the power to change these patterns. By examining and challenging the beliefs we've internalized since childhood, we can begin to rewrite our story and reclaim agency over our relationships.

Let’s start with some broad strokes…

Our beliefs (about ourselves, others, and the world):

Our childhood experiences shape the scripts we bring into our adult relationships. These scripts dictate what we believe to be true about ourselves, others, and the world. The trouble is, we all carry different scripts, and they all feel very true. These scripts not only have a profound influence on us but also operate at a subconscious level for most people, shaping our actions and emotions in relationships without our conscious awareness.

Regarding our actions (toward others):

Each of us enters into relationships with distinct patterns of behaviour shaped by our interpretations of ourselves, others, and the world. We have well-worn, often-used, knee-jerk replies, expressions and responses that we engage in toward others.  Some of these will serve us, help us, protect us, while others will sabotage us, yielding unintended consequences.

Regarding our feelings (as a result of disappointing and painful relationships):

For many who have experienced childhood abuse, the combination of subconscious scripts and automatic responses can evoke feelings of loneliness, isolation, burnout, longing, and profound hurt in the context of relationships.

We unwittingly carry beliefs, behaviours, and emotions as if the past circumstances persist into the present. It's a natural instinct, a testament to our intelligence as humans striving to safeguard ourselves based on past experiences.

But here is an important truth… the circumstances and relationships of today are NOT the circumstances and relationships of your childhood. Even if certain relationships involve the same individuals, you've evolved beyond the child you once were. As an adult, you wield power, possess a voice, and hold the agency to establish boundaries, to say no, and walk away from toxic relationships.

So, how do we change the unhelpful patterns?  How do we heal from the hurtful effects of childhood abuse on our relationships today?

Start by reflecting on the messages you received growing up. Were you constantly told you weren't good enough? That you had to shrink yourself to stay safe? Did you learn to mistrust everyone around you? Write down these beliefs and acknowledge their presence in your life today.

Next, scrutinize these beliefs. Were they really true then, and are they true now? Or were they survival mechanisms in response to unbearable circumstances? Recognize the resilience and strength it took to endure those challenges.

How can we disrupt these unhelpful patterns? How can we begin to mend the wounds inflicted by childhood abuse on our relationships today?

We can start by addressing our internal scripts. This initial step is crucial because the messages ingrained during childhood persist into adulthood. As scary and painful as it may be to draw your awareness inward to see what you carry around and believe about yourself, others, and the world, it marks the first step in breaking free from these narratives. Rather than allowing these beliefs to exist unchecked and influence our lives, you can reclaim power by scrutinizing their validity (I strongly suspect that most are not true).

Here's an exercise to initiate the process of identifying and questioning old narratives:

Carve out some quiet time for introspection. Ask yourself a series of questions: What were the spoken or unspoken messages you internalized about yourself during childhood? Reflect on a variety of different relationships in your life—your parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, siblings— and the messages conveyed within each dynamic.

Did you hear things like…

You don’t matter

You are stupid

You’re a bad kid

You’re out of control and unmanageable

You’re a problem

Shut up – I don’t care what you think or what you feel

You are here to help and to serve me and/or others

The smaller and quieter you get the safer you’ll be

What about the spoken or unspoken messages about others?  Were you taught that…

People in positions of authority hold all the power – you need to obey or you’ll be punished

Men and boys are dangerous

Women and girls are dangerous

All others are dangerous

Trust no one

All others are more important than you are

What about the spoken or unspoken messages about the world?  Did you grasp concepts such as...

The world is a very unpredictable and unsafe place

Trust no one

Danger lurks everywhere

Do you recall encountering any of these messages in your past? Is there anything else missing from this list?

Do these still exist within you today either in your mind or in your body as unspoken sensations?  Jot down or simply acknowledge to yourself the beliefs about yourself that you still carry from childhood.

Now, let's examine and challenge these messages. Were you truly all those things then, and are you still now? Or were you just a child or a teenager, struggling to survive unbearable circumstances? Perhaps it's time to acknowledge how smart and resilient you were to adapt in the ways you did to get through abuse, chaos, and pain.

Was it truly you who was broken and at fault, or were the circumstances you faced broken and problematic?

It's time to rewrite the narrative, focusing on what was true then and, more importantly, what is true today.

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Unravelling the Layers of Shame

Childhood abuse leaves scars that often linger long into adulthood, and one of the heaviest and most enduring repercussions is feeling shame. This insidious emotion takes hold not only due to the abuse itself but also because of the destructive messages Survivors internalize during those traumatic experiences.

Shame is a deeply rooted emotion with the power to hijack our thoughts, actions, and relationships in profound ways.  For shame to no longer have this kind of power, it will be important to understand it and to learn how to overcome it.

How and Why We Feel Shame?

Often, shame develops early in life, as a direct result of having been abused in childhood. Survivors of abuse will internalize feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or failure, setting the stage for a lifelong struggle with shame.

The emotion can manifest in various ways, affecting both mental and physical well-being. The fear of judgment and rejection can lead individuals to hide their true selves, leading to isolation. Moreover, shame may give rise to self-critical thoughts, and self-hate. It whispers destructive messages to Survivors, perpetuating a cycle of self-blame and undeserved guilt. Messages such as, “You are to blame,” “You deserve punishment,” “You are not lovable” or “You do not matter” become haunting echoes that resurface in various life situations, triggering emotional distress.

Shame can also impact decision making, as individuals may avoid taking risks or pursuing their goals to limit potential embarrassment. Recognizing and addressing the messages that come from shame is a crucial step in the journey towards healing.

Challenging Shame with Truth

It's essential to understand that shame is built on lies. We encourage our clients to confront shame by exposing its lies and replacing them with the truth. Lies and truth cannot coexist, just as darkness cannot exist in the presence of light.

Blowing Up Shame

To combat shame effectively, it will be important to name its lies explicitly. Starting with statements like, “I am not to blame,” “I did not deserve the abuse,” or “I was too young to defend myself” helps to dismantle shame's hold. By acknowledging these truths, Survivors begin the process of breaking down the barriers that shame has created.

Truth-telling such as, “I deserved protection and safety,” “I am lovable and important,” or “I matter” help Survivors reframe their self-perception. Recognizing their real value and worth is pivotal in helping a person overcome the lasting effects of childhood abuse.

This requires courage, but the rewards of breaking free from the chains of shame are well worth it.  This work need not be done alone.

Seek Professional Help

Uncovering shame as part of the healing journey from childhood abuse helps loosen its grip and lessens its impact on daily life.  Consider working on identifying and challenging shame’s negative beliefs that are rooted in the abuse.  An experienced counsellor or therapist will provide guidance and support tailored to each person’s specific situation.  They may suggest Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Somatic (body) Therapy, or Creative Art Therapy – all of which can be profoundly effective for this.

Consider joining a support group for Survivors of childhood abuse. Connecting with others who have had similar experiences can provide a sense of validation, understanding and community.

At Tapestry Counselling Centre, we advocate for intentional healing by challenging shame's lies and replacing them with empowering truths. By fostering a supportive environment that encourages Survivors to confront and overcome shame, we hope to contribute to the journey of healing and self-discovery.

2024: Your Year of Healing from Childhood Abuse

Experience healing in 2024 by dealing with the lasting impact of childhood abuse. Whether you've faced emotional, physical, or sexual abuse as a child, the repercussions can extend into your adult life, manifesting as enduring suffering and relationship challenges.

Many of our clients experience the following symptoms. Do they sound familiar to you?

• A perpetual sense of dread

• An unshakable feeling that nowhere is truly safe

• Persistent physical symptoms like pain or digestive issues

• A deep-seated mistrust of others

• Difficulties in relationships with authority figures

• Struggles with anger management

• Overeating

• Substance misuse

• Overspending

• Isolation and loneliness may also be prevalent as a protective measure against potential harm, accompanied by feelings of worthlessness.

Now, envision a life free from these emotional burdens and experiences. Imagine breaking free from anxiety and dread, taking confident steps towards your aspirations, whether it's pursuing a fulfilling career or creating new friendships and partnerships.

Picture a life where you're in control of your emotions, responding to them in a measured way, rather than being ruled by them.

Visualize releasing the weight of unprocessed grief stemming from unmet childhood needs—be it protection, love, guidance, or encouragement.

Envision a future where you feel fulfilled, content, at peace with yourself, and secure in your relationships.

Taking the First Step to Self-Healing: How can I help myself?

The first step in dealing with childhood abuse trauma is often acknowledging and recognizing the impact it has had on your life. This recognition can be challenging, but it is a crucial starting point. Seeking support from a mental health professional, such as a counsellor, is another essential step. Additionally, reaching out to friends, family, or support groups can contribute to building a strong support network. Healing from childhood abuse trauma is a gradual process and taking that initial step towards seeking help is a significant milestone.

How do counsellors help?

Counsellors play a crucial role in supporting survivors of childhood abuse on their journey towards healing. With a deep understanding of the profound and lasting effects of abuse, professional counsellors offer a safe space where people can explore and process their experiences.

By listening and providing empathetic guidance, counsellors can help you navigate complex emotions, such as fear, mistrust, and anger, which leads to a sense of empowerment and self-discovery. Tailoring their approach to your unique needs, counsellors employ evidence-based techniques to address trauma, promote resilience, and build coping mechanisms.

How long will it take?

The healing process from childhood abuse is a deeply personal and individual journey that varies for each person. There is no fixed timeline for “success”, as the duration of healing depends on numerous factors, including the type of abuse, the support system available, and the survivor's resilience. For some, progress may be swift, marked by significant strides in understanding and coping. However, for others, the path to healing may be gradual and involve setbacks. It's crucial to recognize that healing is not a linear process; it often involves peaks and troughs. Patience is paramount, as you work through the layers of trauma, build resilience, and redefine your sense of self. Counselling and therapeutic support play instrumental roles in this journey, providing a consistent and understanding space.

Make 2024 your year to embark on this transformative journey.

Tapestry Counselling Centre has provided counselling for people recovering from childhood abuse for over 10 years. We’re based in East Vancouver and here to support you every step of the way.

To take the first step towards healing, we offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation with one of our counsellors. Book your appointment now: https://tapestrycounselling.janeapp.com/ Or leave us a message and our Intake Coordinator, Jenn, will help you find a suitable counsellor: info@tapestrycentre.ca or 604-876-7600.  Or visit our website to learn all about us.

Sick of Holiday Suffering?

The holidays are not always a beautiful and magical time of year.  For many it is a season of exhaustion and to-do lists.

For some, it is much worse. It is a season full of dread and triggers of past traumatic events.  

Many people who have experienced past childhood abuse at the hands of family members or ‘family friends’ will find the holidays a very painful time of year, opening up old wounds.

If this describes you, please know that you are not alone. You do not have to carry these burdens by yourself, and you do not have to ‘push through’ this season the way you always have.

Make this season different. Here’s how you can use your voice to say no, and set boundaries.

Find Support

• Consider joining a support group.  There are some amazing online healing communities for people who have experienced abuse in childhood.  They’re either free or by donation, and you can join or leave at any time.  Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse is one (www.ascasupport.org).  Email: asca.vancouver@gmail.com for info about the group and to receive the zoom link to try a meeting out.

Empower Yourself

Picture this: reclaiming your voice and setting boundaries like never before!

• Learn to Say 'No' - Recognize the power of your voice by saying 'no' to activities or situations that trigger distress. Identify what you can stop doing or reject to protect your well-being.

• Skip Uncomfortable Functions - If the thought of attending certain events brings feelings of obligation or dread, consider saying 'no.' Reflect on the consequences and ask yourself what's worse: declining an invitation or enduring discomfort?

• Establish New Traditions - Forge your path by creating new traditions, such as spending time with chosen friends or family. Alternatively, treat yourself to a change of scenery by going out of town.

• Set Time Limits - If you decide to attend an event that requires boundaries, set a predetermined time to leave. Politely excuse yourself when the time comes, saying, "It's time for me to head out. Thanks for hosting. Happy holidays," without the need for extensive explanations.

At Tapestry Counselling Centre we work with people every day who have survived abuse and trauma.  We are here to help.  Please consider reaching out to us to book a free 30-minute consultation to talk with a trauma-informed counsellor and start moving through a healing journey today. Website: www.tapestrycentre.ca ; Phone: 604-876-7600 ; Email: info@tapestrycentre.ca ; Online booking: https://tapestrycounselling.janeapp.com/